I have a brother who is a year-and-a-half older than me. Throughout our childhoods, we competed in
just about everything, but especially for our parents’ approval. At the time, I thought there must be
something wrong with us, for there to be this ‘dysfunction’ in our family. Of course, as the years passed I realized
that this competition made us just like virtually every other family in the
realm! These patterns of competitive
behavior, which my mother, may she rest in peace, used to glibly refer to as
‘sibling rivalry,’ are a normal as can be.
In any case, I don’t think I’ve ever met a family with more than one
offspring of the same sex, where there wasn’t some form of competition between
them.
In this week’s Torah reading, we’re introduced to the ultimate
competitive siblings. Even in Rebecca’s
womb, the twins who would come to be known as Esau and Jacob fought. In other words, from conception there
was an intense competition between them.
I’ve often said that one of the glories of the patriarchal narratives
in the book of Genesis, is that it shows the patriarchal families to be so normal. That, despite the greatness for which
Abraham and his offspring through Isaac and Jacob were chosen, they are so
incredibly ordinary in many ways.
And this is certainly one of the most important ways. They struggle with the same impulses that we
see as besetting our own families, in our day and age.
To me, an important lesson in this is that we can all achieve
greatness, no matter what squabbles we fight with our siblings. No matter what way our families, or
ourselves, seem flawed and dysfunctional.
The variances in these dysfunctions are more matters of degree, than
substantive. We all struggle to allow
our best selves to emerge and achieve.
In doing so, we sometimes step on one another’s toes and leave hard
feelings behind. But in doing so, we
often teach one another profound lessons about abundance and the power to
forgive.
Isaac and Rebecca’s twin sons, Esau and Jacob, are as different as
night and day. Although each develops
his own unique personality, each also competes with his parents for their
approval. And both Isaac and Rebecca,
favor one over the other because of their own unique personalities and
preferences. Jacob, the younger twin,
will ultimately be chosen to inherit the blessing of Abraham. But until then, we see Jacob constantly
trying to escape from his powerful older brother’s shadow.
As my readers know, I’ve just moved to the State of Israel to make
a life here. Jews in the diaspora tend
to lionize Israelis, to see them as being larger than life and heroic. I don’t want to take away any of the merit of
the Jews who live in our Holy Land, whose challenges in some ways surpass and
make seem small the challenges we face in our various lands of comfort. But the truth is that Israeli Jews possess
the same kinds of foibles as people anywhere.
Both as individuals and as families.
I love Clara’s family. They are a
group of as open and loving people as you’ll find anywhere. But they also have family dramas just like
the rest of us. And from that I take
heart. It means that I, too can succeed
in living here.
I often point to the Torah’s depiction of virtually every
protagonist in the unfolding drama of the Jewish people, as being in some
important way flawed and normal. From Adam
and Eve to their sons Cain and Abel to Noah.
Abraham to his son, grandsons, and great grandsons. Moses and his brother Aaron. Virtually every individual involved in the narrative,
faces their flaws and quirks. This is on
one hand, an important indicator that these were real people with real
personalities. And since they
achieved great things, it leads me to take heart that each one of us, in our
imperfections, is a worthy vessel to participate in the great and holy drama of
the Jewish people. Shabbat shalom.
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