Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Letting Go of Offense; a Thought for Parashat Vayigash (Genesis 44-45)

I know I've said, and written, that Joseph is my favorite character in the Torah and have given you the reasons why I delight when December and January come around each year so that I'll get to read and contemplate this story in the context of the annual reading cycle.

Of course, the most exciting drama in the narrative comes in the climax of the narrative, where Joseph reveals himself to his brothers.  They came to Egypt seeking food to keep their family alive, like so many tribes from all over the Near East, and of course Joseph recognizes them but they don't recognize him.  After all, he was but a lad when they schemed against him and sold him to Egyptian slavers; not only is he now a grown man, he is also dressed and made up as Egyptian nobility.  And the brothers could not possibly have imagined that their brother, if he was still alive, would be second-in-command to the Egyptian Pharaoh!

So Joseph toys with his brothers and schemes to give them a just revenge for what they did to him.  He sets them up for a huge conflict as he schemes to frame his youngest brother Benjamin, who was not one of the offenders in his enslavement, to see how the others will respond.

In last week's reading, the action approaches climax as Joseph, having framed Benjamin for theft, announces that the lad will remain in Egypt as his -0 Joseph's - prisoner and slave while the other brothers will be dispatched back to their father in Canaan.  If one is reading the text only on Shabbat, one is definitely left hanging as the divide between weekly portions seems calculated to prolong the drama of the moment.  One picks up the text this week in a breathless sense of So what happened already??!

This week's portion does not disappoint.  Judah approaches Joseph and, in obvious pain for the sins in which he has participated, tells Joseph the whole story from the point where they sold Joseph and concludes by telling Joseph that their father would not be able to bear the loss of the boy Benjamin, and offers himself as prisoner and slave in his place.

In the face of the conclusion of Judah's narrative and his incredible offer, Joseph's anger melts and, humbled before his brothers, he reveals himself to them.  And without missing a breath, he assures them that he holds no grudge but realizes that the exile and slavery and other miseries he endured to get to his current position must have been ordained by G-d as a plan to keep the family alive and flourishing.

As I've said before, the beauty of the Joseph story is that so many of us - probably all of us - can see ourselves in at least elements of the narrative.  And I think that this dramatic moment is certainly one of them.

In my years as a chaplain, I can't tell you how many individuals I counseled regarding family dysfunction.  Because we're all human, we offend against one another:  sometimes out of malice, and more often out of thoughtlessness of laziness.  Every one of those counsellees in my office had a valid complaint against their parent, sibling, spouse...whoever.  But in most cases the prescrition for healing was the same:  let it go!

It's easy to side with Joseph, given what he has endured, in his pique against his brothers.  It's easy to think:  well, they had it coming!  But the beauty of the story is that Joseph finds himself able to transcend his anger and reconcile with his brothers:  even without any direct gesture of reconciliation on their part!

This, not the talents and cunning with which Joseph attained his incredibly blessed position, is not his biggest achievement.  The biggest one - in the end the most important one - is that he is able to let go of the offense and accept his brothers in a loving way.  It is this gesture that saves his family, and therefore the Jewish people from extinction.

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